#30HariBercerita — Leave of absence- Healed?

A quarter of a century ago, life at work was appealing, I found myself struggling to harmonize between work,life and love. I was spontaneously handed a million things at once and took up too much of my personal bandwidth.

The time between, I felt that I was up for the challenge of course, but decisions I make in life have always been putting forward intuition rather than logical thinking. That until one turning point in March, my work and love life took an unexpected turn. That moment ahead, I was less busy and had time for experience.

Today, I am just unexplainably exhausted but whatever. Not for work. Not from all the things. Life is very unpredictable. My mind seems so much more exhausted than it probably should, longing for the time when I was a child where just being present at the moment and NOT thinking. After learning for years, I find myself trying to figure it out but it is easier said than done.

Pinpointing my actual state of emotions could be extremely challenging. At some moment, I am just regularly thinking about so many things which I could not afford. I am clueless and still as to what I am drained about mostly, is it the obvious social interaction of things I actually do. Whether or not my heart was tired of being on the prolonged survival mode that I had to stamp out both my feelings and emotions every time I had to be human.

The majority of people simply have the idea of healing as easy as traveling to faraway places on self-pity journeys in order to find themselves and recover anyhow. Maybe, it works for some. But in my perspective, being healed, again, is about how we deal with everything that already happened. Once we confront a challenge or an obstacle, first, we should know that it happens for a reason even if we still don’t know the reason. But then, after we already overcame that challenge, we learn the lessons.